7dp5dt - faintest line on hpt!

Do you see a line in the above picture? :)

I and Rajender waited anxiously for 3 minutes and looked at the test window of hpt, it was white as snow, no sign of a line. I thought it was all over. After sometime, I again peeked at the test window without much hope. I felt that I saw something. Rajender also took a look. We were totally confused. Was it really a line? There was a shadow but it didn't have a pink hue to it. We then took a look at the second hpt which is a different brand from the first one. It showed a faintest possible line too, like a shadow. I felt happy, Rajender was happy too. The times where we celebrated for getting a line on hpt were all gone. We just looked each other in disbelief. Even if it is a positive we knew that there is a long, uncertain road in front of us. I called my mom and showed the line to her. I also warned her that she shouldn't raise her hopes too high. She said, "Manju, all will be well" I smiled at her in disbelief.
 

I took a picture of hpt and mailed it to Dr. Malpani. I know he will be happy to know the result. He replied, "Will you do a blood test, please?" I understood that he was not sure about that faintest line. I called the person who measured AMH, his name is Arun. He said that he will come and collect blood. He promised to give the result by evening. Those 6 or 7 hour wait for the blood test result was horrible; it felt as if the time stood still. When I got a call from Arun, my hands were shivering. What if the line I saw in the hpt was just an evaporation line, did I imagine it to be a positive! I picked up the call and he said, "It is a positive ma'm, your beta-hCG is 44". What a relief! I called Dr and he was very happy, he said that it was a very good value for that stage of my pregnancy. “Repeat the test after 48h”, he suggested. Everything appeared magical. I replayed in my mind all the events that happened during the last few months. I was in utter disbelief. “Are we blessed or will this joy end prematurely”-that was the question in my mind. I prayed, "God, if it is destined to end, let it end now. I can't go through another pain. It will cripple my life forever".
 

On 9dp5dt (48h later) Arun came to our home and collected blood again. I waited for the evening and for his call. He called promptly and said, “It is increasing”. I asked eagerly, "How much is the value?" He replied and my heart broke. It was a mere 65! It didn't double. The doubling time was 85h (31h-72h is normal). It increased only 47% (a 50% increase by 48h is considered normal)! I felt life is playing another cruel joke with me. After the initial self-pity and tears, I regained my original self. I understood that nothing could be done if it is going to end. On the other hand, I also wondered about the possibility of lab error. I called Arun again. Poor guy, he must have regretted his luck of having a customer like me. I asked him so many questions, I wanted to know how he transported the blood, was it exposed to high temperatures, what kind of test kit and machine they use, was it automatic or done manually, how was the standard prepared, whether it was done in duplicates or triplicates, did he use the same lot of test kit as it was done two days back. He was frustrated. At the end he told me, “please come with me I will perform the test in front of you” :) He also told me, why don't you give one sample to Bose clinic. It is a bigger lab which is there in Madurai for a long time and hence famous too!

In the evening, we went to Bose lab. They collected blood and said that I will get the result the next day evening. Again another horrible waiting game started! Next day evening I called them. Someone spoke on the other side. She said, your beta-hCG is 18! I was in shock, absolute shock. It took me some time to come out of it and think clearly. I thought, "What nonsense is it! I took hpt this morning and evening too, the lines are getting brighter than it was on 7dp5dt. Then how could the beta-hCG be 18!" I got so irritated and called the lab again. After I told my grievance, they connected me to the head of the lab. He introduced himself as a doctor. He said, “come again and give blood, we will talk in person”. I hided my irritation and asked whether they have my previous blood sample. He said that they still have it. So I asked him to repeat the test with it. He promised, “I myself will check your blood tomorrow and call you with the result". I kept the phone. I couldn't believe anyone. I thought, “how poorly they run labs in India, if I hadn't used hpt how scared I would have been by now!" I and Rajender again went to nearby medical shop, brought hpt, checked my urine again for beta-hCG, the line was getting brighter. It had a beautiful pinkish tinge to it. If the line is brighter than on 7dp5dt, my value can never be 18. And moreover, the sensitivity of hpt I used is 20 miu. I have to atleast have 20 miu in urine to have the faintest line!  This means my blood levels should be much higher. I gave a deep sigh of relief.

The next day morning, first thing I did was to call Arun. He was humble and kind enough.He came home for blood collection. It was 11dp5dt. I asked him to collect two samples, one to measure in his lab and one to send to SRL! 

11dp5dt report came and it was 116, a decent increase from the previous value which is 65. SRL report showed almost similar value. I started to have faith in Arun. That doctor from Bose lab called me in the evening. I picked up the phone and he said, " I checked it myself today and it is now 19". I don't know whether to laugh or to cry. I didn’t even have the strength to explain him, to say that their test is wrong or to shout at him. I just said OK and kept the phone. I decided I will never ever go to them! 

Then 69h later (14dp5dt) my beta-hCG was 242. 96h later (18dp5dt) it was 832.  The doubling time was never 48h or less. Except the first two values (where the doubling time was 85h) everything else fell within the 72h doubling time limit. I kept on having blood tests. After 25dp5dt it crossed the 10,000 mark. I haven't seen such shaky betas online and most women with such slow rising betas didn't have a happy ending. I was confused, sad and afraid. I cried many a day. I told Dr, “Dr, if this is not meant to be, let it end quickly. I couldn't bear this torture". He replied, "I am praying for a happy ending 36 weeks from now".

I didn't go for a scan early. I decided I will go for a scan only at 7 weeks and not before. If I go early and again if I end up with some uncertainty, like, sac is there, fetal pole is there but no HB, then that suspense will kill me. So I decided to have a scan at 7 weeks irrespective of Dr's advice. I was scared of ectopic but I was even more scared of an inconclusive report!

Rajender asked me, "Manju, will you stay with amma until your first scan, can I go to AP?" It was very boring for him in Madurai; his parents will miss him and would want him to be with them; he has friends there so that he will feel better there and moreover his niece, who is doing medicine, will come for holiday so that they could spend some time together."  I said, “Ok, you go there. I have to just go for scan and I will manage." I really, really thought he will feel much better in AP with his parents and sister. He asked me again and again whether he must stay back. Deep inside, I wanted him so badly near me; it was horrible to live with uncertainty and alone. But I wanted him to be comfortable too. I felt sorry for him when he sat at home all day without knowing what to do. So, I said firmly, “you can go, I will manage". One fine day he left to AP and I made him regret his decision!

The horrible 3ww started. My mom will buy everyday 2hpts for me (like buying chocolate when I was young). That was my only solace, taking pregnancy test morning and evening! The lines got thicker and thicker and when the test line reached the thickness of control line, it remained the same.

How did I get through the 3ww? What happened at the end of it?