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Wednesday, August 28, 2013

11 weeks and all is well :)

Today I had another ultrasound. Both the babies are measuring as they should (4.5 and 4.1 cms). They are very active: turning around, moving their hands and feet, covering their ear with hand and ........ everything which I saw today still appears unbelievable ! I was lying down looking at them; tears flowing down my cheeks; and I was overwhelmed with so many different thoughts. I was thinking of my dad; my IVF attempts and the miscarriage I underwent; Mumbai trips; suggestion from my RE in Germany to use heparin (I didn't even take baby aspirin this time around !); the HLA matching tests and the stupid therapy I underwent for that; the fear I had to endure; the determination I had; and now some beautiful ultrasounds ! Everything appears surreal.
I already have a small bump. Nausea and vomitting is still there and I feel very tired. Please excuse me for not updating my blog as I used to !
What more to say - thank you so much everyone for all the love and prayers !

Saturday, August 10, 2013

7w5d ultrasound on 5.8.2013 !

We had an ultrasound today because of brown spotting. Both babies had heart beats and measured according to their gestational age. I am really thankful that everything looked fine. I guess the bleeding occured because of using progesterone pessaries. They irritate my vaginal canal and cervix so much. I really hate them. Doctor looked at my cervix and also showed me how much of crinone has accumulated in my vagina (it is brownish in colour!). I am taking progesterone rectally at present, but I have also asked for progesterone injections. Instead of this emotional torture which I undergo because of bleeding, it is better to bear the physical pain of PIO (progesterone in oil). (But later I was told that PIO is not available in Germany !) So at present I am using crinone twice a day rectally. Studies show that both routes (vaginal or rectal) of administration is equally effective (PMID:22714063). So, if you are in a similar situation as me do not hesitate to take progesterone rectally.

People ask me whether I am on cloud nine. To be very honest, I am totally stressed out. This uncertainity is hard to bear and the bleeding is very scary. I think my inability to enjoy pregnancy stems from my long infertility struggle and a miscarriage. It is a pity how we infertile women couldn't enjoy what we longed for the most, or... is it just me ? I will be happy if people could share how they felt during their pregnancy after overcoming infertility !

I am generally tired, my skin is extremely dry, I get weird dreams, feel nauseous both mornings and evenings, my sense of smell is extremely high (I smell many new things at home and they make me to gag !), I cannot brush my teeth without throwing up. I am happy to be sick ! Sometimes I wonder whether I am really sick or subconciously I am making my brain to feel sick ! If I don't feel sick I panic, sometimes I even cry. I couldn't stand the smell of normal Indian food, especially boiling rice. I haven't had any normal, routine Indian food for a week or so. Idlies are my favourite and they please my palate even now. I have a wonderful friend who spends her precious time to bring idlies for me early morning, and I donno how I will ever repay this kindness. In short, all simple carbs and fruits seem to be OK. Odourless, mild tasting food which is cold seems to be fine.

I seldom get very pale brown discharge and it seem to have stopped now. I am scared and my brain is foggy. I force myself to think positive and be happy. Every loving soul around me fills me with positive thoughts and energy as much as they can. Will be having my first gynaecologist appointment very soon. Sorry for not updating my blog - somehow I don't have the mood to do so. I wish I could write somethingelse too other than my pregnancy updates and I am sure I will do so soon.

As always my only request is - pray for us ! I need to surround myself with lots of positive energy. Any advise on how to deal with this stressful period is very much welcome !

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