IVF failure - when emotional pain is stronger than physical pain !

" Thanx a lot manju...i just love to read your reply.
I am very lucky to have a very loving and understanding husband. Just finiahed my 3rd ivf. Same protocol with 450 iu fsh daily for 10 days fron day 2 and cetrotide. Collected 9 eggs. 4 mature and 3 immature, 1 dead. 4 eggs icsied and got 3, 6 celled and 1,8 celled day 3 embryos and 8 cell embyo was grade a with no fragments. and others with small fragments.they tranfred 4 embyos My dr was very hopeful for this cycle. But just got my bfn on day 14. And this cycle also was not succesful. My progestrone on day of hcg administration was 1.7ng/ml. I was reading that elevated progestrone on day of hcg admnstration have a negative impact on implantation. As endometrium is less receptive. I am not finding any comfort anywhere. I am so hopeless. Just want to have my bundle of joy, but it seems its not going to happen.
I feel good talking to you. Just someone with whome i can share everything.
Thanx a lot for being there. "

Dear S ,

" I understand your pain. I have gone through IVF failures many a time - we feel so hopeless , and future might appear very dark and bleak. All I would say is , cry , cry and cry. It will make you feel better. 

Remember , there are women who go through much horrible times due to infertility. I know women whose husbands took it as an opportunity to leave them. I know women who can't get the baby they want because they do not have the necessary money. And , there are women  who just can't have a baby because their ovaries don't work anymore. Being grateful for what we have helps a lot to feel better at these difficult times. It helps you to feel thankful in spite of the sorrow you feel now. Life is never easy , not for anyone. The battles we fight , the courage and strength we show , will define who we are. 

First , even if you do not succeed in having a baby that's not the end of the world. You are already a wonderful mother and your child will come to you in the appropriate time. Never lose hope.

Yes , progesterone rise at the time of hcg administration can make the lining not in sync with the embryos' developmental stage - this might lead to failed implantation. Why didn't you tell your concern to your doctor at that time ? You could have opted for a FET. Nevertheless , past is past. The good thing is , you produce eggs still. When are you planning to start the next cycle ? Can you write to me before starting it , perhaps a month before you start ?

Now , just take your time to recover - read good books ; grow your spirituality ; do something which makes you feel good about yourself. Life will not stay as such forever - nothing lasts longer. This difficult time will come to an end , too.

Find happiness , please ! You can , it's all within yourself. You just need to know how to experience it , enjoy it , in spite of all the troubles. Finding ways to be happy amidst these difficult IVF times can help you to reach your goal with ease . "

IVF failure is no joke. I have seen couples who became suicidal after an IVF failure. The pain can be excruciating - you feel as if  you are sucked out of energy from every cell of your body ; thoughts about future can be very fearful. You feel as if you can never function properly - doing everyday chores can feel like an Himalayan task ; your professional life can have a set back , for that time being.  But the good thing about an IVF failure is , after you cry your heart out , you feel cleansed inside out. For many , IVF failure can open the door to spirituality - they try to analyze their actions ( life ) spiritually - as a result ,  most couples will definitely become better humans. Your preferences in life will change for the better. Your ego gets tamed , and naturally you start to give importance to the most valuable things in life - you will fill yourself with love and gratitude , rather than hatred and fear. After all ,  that is what life is all about ; that's what a failure does to a mature human being. After a painful experience , you will always be left with two choices - to become bitter or better. The good news is , most humans turn out to be better beating the bitterness within them. The only wise words at such times is , " Stay strong , this too will pass "