In Bombay for FET

We came to Mumbai two days back. A heavy downpour welcomed us! Every time I enter India, for a day or two, a kind of depression sets in instead of happiness. I feel as if I am waking up from a pleasant dream. The reality slaps me hard. I live outside India for 7 years. The country where I live now is clean, sparsely populated, rich and comfortable. The first thing that makes me vexatious when I reach India is the dirty environment. Mumbai is the financial capital of India, and no need to say how densely populated it is. The dust, unruly traffic, dirt and poverty made me wonder why there is so much discrepancy between two countries. I saw a family of three; husband with torn clothes, wife with the dirtiest saree you can ever imagine and a newborn lying nearby them - all three are resting inside a shed of tarpaulin, on an elevated mound, which is found in between two parallel roads! I could clearly read the worry on their faces. They must have been living in platform and the heavy rain made them to panic. When I saw it, how much I wished I could just go back to Germany and imagine that life is hunky-dory everywhere! If you accuse me of being selfish – I AM. I am selfish to the core. I need the comfort which Germany gives me. I need the clean environment. I need the calm working atmosphere and I badly need the money for our baby-making journey. I am helpless, truly helpless. Every time I come to India my conscience kills me. I feel guilty for being comfortable, for being self-sufficient moneywise, for living in a clean environment, for attempting to create a costly baby when many road-side children are living in the footpath. Wait; do not judge India by what you read just now. This is just one half of the story. When I see such extreme poverty on one side, I also see supreme richness too. Costly cars, branded clothes, dining in five star hotels and lavish spending-this is also the way of life for many in India. Why is Indian society too unbalanced? Are these the result of evil caste system which we created long back?  

Do not form an opinion about me from what you read in the previous paragraph. I am not trying to project myself as a simple person with great social responsibility. I am a very normal and self-cantered woman. All the above said guilty feelings usually vanish from me in 24 hours. I get used to the way of life in India. I do walk past the hungry, homeless road-side children and enter into a mega shopping area to satisfy my shopping spree. My guilty feeling vanes away day by day until it becomes negligible. I indulge myself in all normal worldly pleasures ignoring the sufferings around me! Sometimes I wish I was non-existent or I wish I had the power to change every misery around me. But at the age of 34 I have learned that life is not fair. If I have to remain sane and serene I should surrender to the fact that life is unfair. As a human, I am trying my best to be compassionate and kind to my fellow beings. I try to lend a helping hand to the needy whenever I can. I also try to keep in mind the serenity prayer which Dr.Malpani taught me:

God, grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

This serenity prayer was written by the theologian Reinhold Niebuhr.

So coming back to the original story - we are doing a FET. We have 7 embryos left from my last ICSI cycle (5 day 3 embies and 2 blasties). I am happy to see Dr.Malpani and his team. Dr, understood that I am the anonymous person who leaves crazy comments (sometimes good ones too!) in his blog. All his staffs are very friendly as usual. Dr.Anajli Malpani is  cute and pleasant as always.

I took 6 mg progynova for 12 days and had a vaginal ultrasound on 11.6.2012 to check my lining. Dr.Malpani was not so happy about my endometrial thickness. My lining was only 6 mm. He increased my progynova dosage to 16 mg. I am going for an ultrasound today. I wish my lining has grown at least a mm by now. I have no EWCM even after taking such a massive dose of progynova. Does it mean anything? I do not know. I am worried and I started to write this blog post to calm my anxiety. I will update after today's scan what actually is the next course of action, and I would also like to speculate in my next post why I ended up with a thin lining!