7w5d ultrasound on 5.8.2013 !

We had an ultrasound today because of brown spotting. Both babies had heart beats and measured according to their gestational age. I am really thankful that everything looked fine. I guess the bleeding occured because of using progesterone pessaries. They irritate my vaginal canal and cervix so much. I really hate them. Doctor looked at my cervix and also showed me how much of crinone has accumulated in my vagina (it is brownish in colour!). I am taking progesterone rectally at present, but I have also asked for progesterone injections. Instead of this emotional torture which I undergo because of bleeding, it is better to bear the physical pain of PIO (progesterone in oil). (But later I was told that PIO is not available in Germany !) So at present I am using crinone twice a day rectally. Studies show that both routes (vaginal or rectal) of administration is equally effective (PMID:22714063). So, if you are in a similar situation as me do not hesitate to take progesterone rectally.

People ask me whether I am on cloud nine. To be very honest, I am totally stressed out. This uncertainity is hard to bear and the bleeding is very scary. I think my inability to enjoy pregnancy stems from my long infertility struggle and a miscarriage. It is a pity how we infertile women couldn't enjoy what we longed for the most, or... is it just me ? I will be happy if people could share how they felt during their pregnancy after overcoming infertility !

I am generally tired, my skin is extremely dry, I get weird dreams, feel nauseous both mornings and evenings, my sense of smell is extremely high (I smell many new things at home and they make me to gag !), I cannot brush my teeth without throwing up. I am happy to be sick ! Sometimes I wonder whether I am really sick or subconciously I am making my brain to feel sick ! If I don't feel sick I panic, sometimes I even cry. I couldn't stand the smell of normal Indian food, especially boiling rice. I haven't had any normal, routine Indian food for a week or so. Idlies are my favourite and they please my palate even now. I have a wonderful friend who spends her precious time to bring idlies for me early morning, and I donno how I will ever repay this kindness. In short, all simple carbs and fruits seem to be OK. Odourless, mild tasting food which is cold seems to be fine.

I seldom get very pale brown discharge and it seem to have stopped now. I am scared and my brain is foggy. I force myself to think positive and be happy. Every loving soul around me fills me with positive thoughts and energy as much as they can. Will be having my first gynaecologist appointment very soon. Sorry for not updating my blog - somehow I don't have the mood to do so. I wish I could write somethingelse too other than my pregnancy updates and I am sure I will do so soon.

As always my only request is - pray for us ! I need to surround myself with lots of positive energy. Any advise on how to deal with this stressful period is very much welcome !