A big YES to surrogacy!

In Rajender’s village time just rolls on lazily. His parents are farmers. All the necessary produce comes from his farm. There won’t be any need to buy things from outside. If someone sacrifices goat or hen to the nearby Goddess, there will be meat for lunch. If someone catches fish in nearby pond they send us fish too. There won’t be electricity for 12h. You might wonder how it is possible to live there. It is not only possible but the atmosphere is very relaxing too. When all the ladies finish cooking, they meet in someone’s home. There will be lots of chatter, laughter and gossiping going on. They speak in a typical dialect which is very difficult for me to understand (Rajender’s mother tongue and mine are different yet we speak each other’s language). When they need to gossip their voice gets even milder and how hard I try, I wouldn’t understand a thing, which is of course very frustrating for me! If I am there they would love to ask about Germany, our lifestyle there and they will also have umpteen reasons to make fun of me. In short, there will be no source of tension. If I lie down in the afternoon after eating the very tasty, sumptuous lunch prepared by my mother-in-law I get such a sound sleep, a sleep which I could never have in the most comfortable Germany!

Ok, let me come to the main story! I was wondering how to start the topic about surrogacy to my in-laws. Although I am happy there, my mind was restless most of the time. I am a kind of person who wants to decide ‘what’s next’ as quick as possible. But Rajender seemed to be cool and relaxed. I am so happy to see him like that after months of struggle. But when I felt so helpless, all my anger was directed towards him.  One day I, Rajender and my mother-in-law were at home. I started to pester Rajender to talk about surrogacy to his mom. An argument broke out and I was visibly restless. My mother-in-law saw this, couldn’t understand what is going on and asked Rajender what the problem is.  I burst into tears. She was very afraid to see the way I was crying. She asked me what happened. Rajender understanding his mom’s fear and in order to calm her down told her that, Manju no more wants to carry a baby. My mother-in-law said nothing and looked at Rajender for further words. Rajender slowly said, she wants the baby to be carried by another woman. My mother-in-law’s face had a very confused look. I was wondering what she was thinking within herself, is she thinking of a “natural surrogacy”- OMG :) ! I was much angrier on Rajender for breaking the news without proper explanation. My mother-in-law’s face became normal after some time, she just said that we will think of all that later, you are here to take rest. Why do you want to spoil this time, be calm and happy. This is what all she said and the situation became normal again. This is how Rajender and his parents are. Nobody gets tensed, restless or excited for anything. There is a kind of understanding between them. There won’t be unnecessary talks or arguments and most importantly I have never seen Rajender raise his voice for anything against his parents and it is the same with his parents too! His parents wisdom about life is unbelievable and there is always a decency which I have never seen in much educated households !

Evening came. My father-in-law came from the farm. Everyone was sitting in the hall. I was looking at Rajender pathetically. My eyes were pleading him to tell the matter to my father-in-law. Rajender slowly started the topic. He said that Manju is very afraid to carry another pregnancy. She says that if another miscarriage happens, she won’t survive that. Her uterus was weak too. So we decided that we will have our baby grow in another woman’s womb. I was so afraid what my father-in-law would say. Does he really understand what it means and how it is done? I respect my father-in-law so much. He is such a calm and composed person, who is very good at soul. His words do mean a lot to me. When I lost my twins and was having unnatural fears, he calmed them by saying, ‘never worry about how people will treat you when you come here. No one will hurt you in any way. You are like our daughter; please remember that all the time’. I am forever grateful for all those kind words. Rajender, started to explain what surrogacy is. He is struggling for words; I could understand that he was a bit uncomfortable and shy too. My father-in-law talked for the first time. He said, I know about it, they will keep the embryo in another woman’s uterus, am I right? I have read it in newspapers all the time. Recently an actor (Mr.Sharukh Khan) had his son using surrogacy, right? I can’t explain the relief I felt in words! I thanked all the Khans and actors who had their baby through surrogacy. I thanked all the media coverage on it. Then the talk immediately moved to how they will select my surrogate, who will take care of her during the entire pregnancy etc (all the scans, medical tests, delivery ). My father-in-law was at ease but my mother-in-law was worried about who will take care of our baby ( fetus! ). My father-in-law said, their doctor will take care of all that, why do you worry unnecessarily? Rajender’s face showed a great relief, afterall he escaped from my constant pestering, wrath and crying spells. He smiled at me with a warm look. And that is how we stepped into the world of surrogacy! Surrogacy with whom - ofcourse with Dr. Malpani!

There are two things which put me at ease about surrogacy with Dr. Malpani:

The trust I have on my Dr!

In his surrogacy program, surrogates are allowed to live their normal life without being housed in special places like cattles and treated as just baby-making machines!

More to come! :)